A Poem Since July

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Taken by me

She is now intertwining some dainty words in her head
If her head was a shop where he could drop in for a while
While it was raining outside
She wouldn’t mind telling him feel free to pick up some words to make a full sentence.
She would say no need to be laconic, sir
“Words help you out those vivacious rains…”
But he never comes, so she sits here falling in sleep with her plaintive poem.

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Hope Is Sarcastic

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Dream Catcher, taken by Emma Frances Logan Barker

Hope is like a disintegrated song whose
rhythm is more haunting than ever
but you don’t know how to throw its notes together.

You’ve kept telling to yourself
you’ll find a way oneday
you’ll write a chorus to play on those real strings.

At last, hope is like a treasure trove that
your mind shaped itself.

Too White to Remember

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Narzissen by Pechstein Hermann Max

When I recall my childhood, things tend to appear in my mind in sunlit background, and everybody dear to me also tends to wear resplendent clothes. Those pictures in my mind are the amalgamation of those hot colors. And me there, was often a girl in bright colors exposed her arms to the sun without any awareness of sunburn.

That’s how my memory captures things, which is very unreasonable, very desultory.

But there’s a man who is framed in my mind in white. He is not special to me, he is not the one I love, he is just a man supposed to be forgotten among other things that are jumbled together in my old world. When things faded away due to my memory’s fraility, the last things of him remaining in my memory and my imagination are his white T-shirt, his light skin and his white tooth when he smiled. All the times, he was sitting on the porch of his house, with his mother there who was busy with selling things to my mother. I smiled at him as a greeting, because as for me at that time, greeting with a smile is the best way ever to express politeness. Then he smiled, then in a few minutes, I smiled again and then, he laughed saying: “She’s smiling!!”. “She’s smiling” – the only thing he said or the only thing I remember he said.

Even when all of a sudden I came across him in the crowd many years after and found his skin was getting weather-beaten, his appearance in my mind has never changed. Even when I heard he has taken his own life after all, I will never distort my own memory of him. But I’ve kept wondering how he rummaged his memory for the most wonderful pieces in his life, how he embraced them the last time and then left them nowhere in his imminent errant soul, if he really did this. What if he woke up the last time in the hospital, realizing he had nothing to miss but his own death.

Hold My Hand, Lean on Me *

It comes as a big surprise to me that in these moody day, I keep playing many times a few songs of Sơn Tùng M-TP. Thanks for his songs, I feel all my inextricable anxieties lolling somewhere else, just somewhere else for a moment in the middle of the day. Now I’m even hearing Cơn mưa ngang qua, a song he’s written since four or five years ago. It’s terribly emotional in some ways. I know why, I’m pretty sure about the root of those feelings.

For many years, and even up to now, pop music of this “modern society” has really fazed me. I’ve been mad about the way  pop composers nowadays use their their poor source of vocabulary and rhythm for their songs. Most of them is too platitudinous to absorb. Though trying listening, I could ever bear, get used to them or take them serious. Basically, I didn’t think those composers were going to take any effort to write an immaculate song ever. I admit that I’ve kept that old and deep-seated prejudice for a long time. I means, it is not about the intricacy of those lyrics, but about the artists’ attitude.

While watching the interviews with Sơn Tùng M-TP and following his stories, I realized that the most valuable thing of a guy is not what he’s created in his life but his attitude towards his work. Anh none of those famous singers nowadays doesn’t take their career serious. When typing these words I know they’re quite didactic but before knowing Tùng’s story I never recognized that, it was somewhat a pity.

I was moving with the way Tùng proudly, excitedly and honestly talked about his activities and achivements during those lastest years since he was a high school student creating songs with his sluggish computer in his hometown, till the day he took his first flight to Ho Chi Minh City with his budding vision for the future ahead, till the day he eventually was on a glorious stage and surrounded by his fans. It never occurred to me that I will care about him so much like this. Because his music is never my cup of tea.

But I start  listening to them these day just because his story which I don’t know to what extent exasperated really stirs my emotions. Since I can’t assume how much a person can change during four or five years after graduating from high school, looking at Tùng’s selfie photos five years ago and his images appearing almost everywhere today I think everything can become so legendary when time elapses unless one figures out one’s way. I respect Sơn Tùng, not for his works much, but for his view towards life and work. Anyways, such interview can be so didactic, but I believe in and respect the way Tùng distincly regards everything he does these day as his passion and responsibility without any excessive complaints and explanations, from his style of dressing to the encounters of scandals, etc.

Enjoying teen music is somewhat a guilty pleasure to me. I know many hit songs today are totally lack of creativeness and intricate meaning,. Some of Sơn Tùng’s ones, however, are not of such monotonousness. Personally, I think their lyrics and rhythms are catching, smooth, complexed and fathomable enough to absorb. I’m also more open-minded about the fact that the genuine voice of singers now need not be taken priority any more by use of other techniques or instruments. A song can be the result of the cooperation among many people, it’s not fair if we demand only the singer or composer to take responsibility for the whole song. And what if I enjoy a song not just for its lyrics but for its  harmoniousness on the whole?

In other words, I will be more pleasant and feel less guilty when following Sơn Tùng if he won’t get involved in any music copycat scandals any more. But who cares?

* The title has nothing to do with the content, just the first sentence of the chorus in a song of M-TP. 

Roseate Sky

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Red at Sundown Sketch by Lisa Grossman

On the way to the night class, I looked at the sky before my eyes. The sky was on the verge of ending its sunset. At that time the trees were just some silhouettes standing still on the background of sunset sky. And the sky dressed in an ombre roseate veil of light. Everything is tenderly and immediately captured by my eyes and my mind. I’m not sure with the latter, but I actually walked along that way with two eyes sticking to the roseate firmament. Just for a moment.

I’ve had my teacher help me with Maths after the school for two weeks. Every afternoon, after dinner, I leave my house and walk to hers. Most of the time on the way I think about how serious the predicament I’m facing is, or what about my feelings during the day, whether they are worse or better than those during the yesterday. But the moment I saw the roseate area which was like a fleecy scarf embracing my soul in the sky, I felt like my life would be somehow undulating though my fear of being solitude.

The more frequently I see every elaption of the time in my hometown, the dearer it becomes in my memory.

My Beloved Anki

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One of my Anki statistic

This post may be not protracted, so I think I should cut to the chase.

I used to use some websites to learn vocabulary such as Memrise, Vocabulary, or even Doulingo. But after a long time using them, I found that they didn’t live up to my expectation for I usually forget many abstract words. It was, however, not just their fault. I admit that I didn’t employ enough time in revising my vocabulary on them. But Anki is a totally diffenrent tool at the present.

Briefly, if with other learning English website, you are a user who take advantage of the available sources including pictures, sounds, definitions, examples, etc  to enrich your vocabulary, then with Anki, you have to add everything you need to make yourself remember the new words on your own.

At the first time I heard my brother telling me about Anki, I thought its idea is really absurd since Anki definitely takes its users too much time and effort to remember just a word, and even learn how get used to its system. Fortunately, studying with Anki nearly a month, I realize it’s surprisingly in harmony with my studying style and with the way I manage my time. For I actually can only add a few new words per day to my lists.

But anyway, I enjoy everytime I myself add a new word to it, bonus an unimaginably funny picture matching the word and even retype the example sentence extracted from my book for it. When studying with Anki, I step by step perceive the value of little-by-little learning. Sweeping away all the thought of studying in view of beating other people, I like the way I achive some little things everyday, for fun, for my continual existence.

Another funny thing is that I always get excited when looking at my Anki statistics, they are somewhat palpable but also full of mystery. Because I don’t exactly know what made up those inextricable lines and bars, how crazy!

I just go and see them day by day.

Bullet Journal

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Taken by me

I don’t know why I still keep tangling my brain with the thoughts of organizing my life after all of the abandoned. To some degree, maybe I’m really that kind of person, a person who likes to make plans, to-do lists, goals and tends to do anything with intention and take advantage of everything.

Goofing around on the Internet in a day of boredom, once more time, the idea of reorganizing my life once again stirred my mind when I find out some articles and videos about a thing called bullet journal. People describe  it as a combination of diary and planner, so it’s obviously much more effective than ever.

Last night, I wrote out an outline for my  future bullet journal which I had my brother buy for me a few days ago. It’s kind of a perfect time to start this one but I am by no means sure because I know the expantancy of my bullet journal depends most on my self-discipline.

Lately, I’ve become more and more hestitant when buying everything but books. I’m afraid of abandoning them after a moment of madness. In terms of notebooks, clothings, or anything looking adorable at first, I just keep staring at them and convincing myself that I have nothing to do with them. Therefore, when my brother told me what I need to buy at that moment, I waited until a few days later to ask him to buy for me a dot grid book.

Yep, it would be a plain dot grid book, not a floral one like I thought before.